Pekingese Bison Casserole

Ingredients:

• 1 cup mayo
• 2 tbsp vinegar
• 1 onion
• 1 Pekingese bison (for best flavor we recommend a live bison, unshaved)
• 2 teaspoons mango lard juice
• A dozen other expensive spices which you'll only ever use once but have to buy for this recipe

Directions:

Begin by having your bison work up a sweat through various calisthenics, such as jogging and/or jumping jacks. After it works up a nice, flavorful sweat, shave off all its fur and rub mango lard juice and mayonnaise all over its entire body. Be sure to rub deeply and with great emotion. Once your bison becomes relaxed from the mayo-lard-juice massage, you can begin assembling your crossbow for the next step...