TL;DR: I think I'm viciously / discreetly getting bullied at judo by my sensei and higher ranked (sensei is Japanese so I'm pretty shocked about it). Also, I was hit, he discreetly asked other students to throw me hard on the mat (so that I "wake up"). So I'm thinking of quitting. Though I like the sport, I really suck at it.
Do all beginners go though such an experience? I think last training really broke me mentally so I'm thinking of quitting. How would you deal with that?
For starters, let's be clear: I'm a white belt in judo (started 3 months ago). I have a feeling the sensei (he's Japanese by the way) is trying to break me (psychologically speaking).
For instance, he's always screaming my name when I do something wrong. "You did this. You did that. Move here. Move there." Worst he talks about me to other high ranked belts like in "dumb and dumber" movie (lol), with a retarded talk, caveman talk like "can you duhhhh show move to him duuuhhh he (i.e me) not duhhh gets it duhhhh".
Also he sometimes asked others to throw me harder on the tatami so that I "wake up" (I don't know in which sense. I wake up and realize I should quit or should train better? Only he knows that.) So now it has, I think, broken me. Like I don't find mental strength to do the moves and all.
Of course, beside the vicious bullying, I know I suck at judo pretty bad. But I did not think I'd get such an attitude from people there. Some students are grumble-gasping when we do randori, some not even trying, some show openly they are exasperated, some have the mocking smirk on their face. Do all beginners go through this?
Is that a way for them to kicking me out of the dojo? Hoping I'll understand I'm not welcomed?
I really suck at judo but I kept going till now because I like it. Now I'm thinking about quitting really soon.
Did you guys go through such an experience during your learning? I won't change dojo because lets face it, people are what they are so since I really suck at it, I bet I will encounter the same bullying somewhere else...so..